I'm not hiding ..im just buying time for us to find the back door.

its 2:34 in the morning and i have somehow managed to unravel every ounce of trust in me that you have rightfully earned...I'm going over every " i love you" and replaying every scene between us searching for  any signs that you wished i was her...this is me looking for the back door.

all the while your unsuspecting ..since you met me i feel like you spend your days healing scars,and trying to right all the wrongs ..you cant ...its not fair... i wish i was brand new for you. i just want to be new for you...because even in your arms at times i feel so broken.

lovedrug

                                      Would you believe me if i told you
                            That i'm surfacing for just one thieving moment
                                                To steal your heart

                                   Would you believe me if i told you
                                          That fairy tales come true
                                             When i'm with you
                               I'll free the one who falls in love again

the way you kiss my shoulder or stroke my back when i get too quiet...the way sometimes when we are in public out of nowhere you grab my face and kiss me like its life or death.. what a beautiful wreck we are..

you told me you tried to hurt yourself , you kept repeating to me " i was just so sad ..so sad..so sad" my dear ive been to that place before , i still visit it more often then anyone will ever know ..It hurts me because i want to take that feeling in the pit of your stomach away ..but the only thing i can do for you is be present .. and for you to know that im there ..a phone call away...

the intimacy in this relationship is something Ive been running from my entire life..

you still dig at me..

for the first time in a long time your face appeared to me as if to remind me that what i am today are simply the pieces you left behind....

rant#
you left me so goddamn cold and defensive , i cant help but feel at times that everyone is out to get me ..i let you in ..i let you in ..YOU a wolf  a wounded  disguised as a friend as love. you did a fucking number on me sir..i want to have a sit down with my past self and tell her baby girl slow down ..stay away.

This man see's me as his future but the past is fucking killing us.

I'm blushing on the inside , just thinking about those damn green eyes.

I hope you’ll hear me in the streetlight’s humming, softly breathing out your name.

I know that even with the seams stitched tightly, darling scars will remain.

I say we scrape them from each other, darling, and let them wash off in the rain.

And when they run into the river, oh no, let the water not complain.

I swear that even with the distance, slowly wearing at your name,

Your hands still catch the light the right way and

Our hearts still beat the same.

C.b: stop calling yourself that.it's pissing me off.your not at all what your making yourself out to be, you're sweet and you're loving and i see that ...let me repeat myself you're sweet and loving.

me : thank you.

c.b: i don't want your thank you.

me: well what do you want?

C.b: i want you to know that what I'm saying is true .I want you to be happy.
c.b: you're loved baby girl.

somehow I love you falls short.

you handle the things you love with care..

you make time for things that are important to you...

I don't like repeating myself..i feel like i've had this conversation many times before.. I'm not angry , I'm honestly just exhausted..

I shouldn't have to ask for your presence , it should be given to me because the fact that we only cross each others paths in hallways and work station should be unsettling or alarming or anything other then what it is now ..typical.
i just don't really understand ...

.

at least i have nothing...nothing to tie me down..not even someone , I've got no more family in this town.

simply starting to forget ,things you've long forgotten..

...I won't be left dancing alone to song from our past.

and maybe you dont love me..

or maybe you do but i know better to look for my joy , my complete worth in the eyes of another...

it's hard to look in the face of love and not flinch , love has always come at me swinging.

It's nice to obsess over something beautiful for a change..

Your not sorry now ,but i know that one day you will be.

we were never meant to be strangers, but that's what we've been reduced to.

love is not neat..

it's messy ,and its better with blood shed ... I won't lose myself in you ..priorities goddamn it ...priorities.

Let me be the one that calls you baby all the time..

surely you can take some comfort knowing that you're mine.

the thought would have never crossed my mind..

if you would have asked me a year ago , that i would wake up this particular day and feel quite this way ...i wouldn't believe it. I guess this can easily be explained as

the beginning of a new chapter ,means the ending of another.

him: i want to taste your lips again on my lips

[12:40:50 AM]
Savannah Flynt: i was just thinking the same about you..


the thing about it is , I've never craved anothers lips so much in my entire life..