doubting your sincerity feels something like being burnt alive.

go on girl bury yourself
  until nothing of you remains..

  

" I will spend the next few days ..thinking about monday when you clock out and i see you and i get to hold you , kiss you all i want and go home with you my baby girl'

bipolar bear..

I could write a goddamn book on us...I've spent the last hour looking through emails and myspace exchanges..we were so sick together.

On Fri, Oct 30, 2009 at 1:43 PM, <ladyfizzo wrote:

im so afraid and i just dont know what to do anymore...i understand your illness..and im not mad at you at all..im just sad..and i dont know what direction to go in ..in reguards to how i feel about you..i miss you like hell you should know that.

blake2099

I wish you would call me at night like you used to.

 ladyfizzo2008@aim.com wrote:

i wish i didn't miss you.

blake2099

you mean you wish you could forget me.

we would talk for hours like this going in circles ,

 we would rip each other apart and patch each other back up again...

I have nothing but your words to hold on to.

all the words that you say , are somehow stuck in my mouth...

Me: haha the honeymoon phase is offically over ..
him: why do you say?
Me: we just called each other pains in the ass that why..
him: i don't know we will see..
Me: whatttttttttttt do you mean we will see? whatttttt
Him: i don't think it is....when i see you ..and get to kiss you it still feels the same.
me: how does it feel?
Him:  i can't get enough..i can't get enough of you.

more then anything..

I want you to get clean, ive spent the last five years wanting just that...if i could only have that it will be enough. P and i have had to many conversations about your death and how were  going to go on if. and when it takes place...your twenty fucking five you have more life in you then any one person should have..ive loved you whole heartedly since i was 14 years old...what the fuck can i do now?

"yeah it sucks, and im like relapsing every week

im becoming really terrible and a wreck again"

"i need drugs

i need to stop crying"

tell me what to do and ill do it...tell me who you need me to be .. and ill be that.

you can crash and burn..

and ill bet you'll never learn.

you know i love you
i really love you
what do words like love mean?
you know what i mean
you know its fleeting

I like words like temporary...

the way you love me ..has this shit way of making me feel completely dysfunctional at times..
you treat me like an angel ...there is something wrong about that.

                           'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
                                         life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
                                          No one can find the rewind button, girl.
                                              So cradle your head in your hands
                                                  And breathe... just breathe,
                                                    Oh breathe, just breathe

for the most part i think im just going to go crazy, and everyone is just gonna sit and watch me as i go.

explain the bussiness of sorrow

There was this man once who told me there was this sadness about me, he could see it in my eyes and hear it in my laugh and i loved that man because he saw it and in his sick way he saw it as beauty..and he said i was strong but i wasn't and im not.

so sir where are you? explain to me why for the entire day ive been on the verge of tears ..you were always so good at telling me about myself and seeing the parts of me..i thought of you all day and how i could tell you all the fucked up things swirling in my head........for the most part i would like to tell you that ..most days i dont know how im going to go on and that everyday i get out of bed i surprise myself, and most of the time when i laugh its like a triumph because i dont know how a person carries around the feeling i have in my chest and can find it in them to laugh..don't get me wrong i have something now that i have never had before..someone who loves me and i him. but im still sad and i dont know why and this post is point less but yea.